I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
