Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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