Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
