i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
