those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
