my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
