I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
