if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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