I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
