You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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