Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
