My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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