I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
