Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
