How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
