no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
