If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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