Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
