Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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