Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
