It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My penis needs a shock collar
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
