So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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