dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize