I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
