The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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