Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
