You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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