what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
