i think my tv is drunk
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
