why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
