Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
