He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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