Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
