I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
