I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
