I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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