I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
