My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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