At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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