I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize