i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
