Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
