You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
