I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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