like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
