im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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