so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
