haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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