even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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