Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
