New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
