I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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