and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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