its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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