Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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