I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
