I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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