I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
