The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
