Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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