hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
