Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
