No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
