I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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