are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Say something about gay babies.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
